Bed bug outbreak closes down Nike Town in Manhattan

Bed bugs have shut down the 95,000-square-foot Nike Town flagship store in Manhattan today and we are terrified! (Watch the video Bed Bugs Close Nike Town)

Villanous bed bugs are scaring the bejesus out of terrified New Yorkers. (Getty Images)

These blood-sucking critters have run amok in Manhattan and something needs to be done before it’s too late! We at Fashion Trends Daily think that this is clearly a job only for someone as calm, collected and skilled at saving the planet as Morgan Freeman. Our open plea to Mr. Freeman:

Dear Mr. Freeman,

Please put on that Hazmat suit you so handsomely don in “Outbreak” and annihilate the pesky, gross bed bugs that are threatening to keep our citizens from their unalienable right to shop and causing consumers and companies considerable heartache and expense.

Morgan Freeman suits up to save the world in "Outbreak"

As if infestations in our hotels, homes and movie theaters weren’t bad enough, now these organisms have threatened the very fiber — quite literally — of our capitalist being. Closures at Victoria’s Secret and Abercrombie & Fitch this summer, and now Nike Town?! Who knows what other retail establishment might possibly be next!

Mr. Freeman, we have thongs to buy. Abercrombie & Fitch labels to have emblazoned across our derrieres. Swooshy, hi-tech sneakers to purchase. Help us!!

These things are nearly unstoppable. We’ve used the last of our bedbug and environment-scorching DDT in this country, as you probably well know, and our earth-friendly lemon verbena-scented Mrs. Meyers cleaning solution (which we, btw, A-dore and buy at Whole Foods) just isn’t nasty enough for these scum-sucking bastards.

Don’t you have an antidote somewhere? (As a thought, perhaps you might try starting with synthesizing that overpowering Abercrombie scent as an antidote…or not) Forgive me for overstepping, Mr. Freeman, this is your territory. Time is running out. Please Help this country kick some serious bedbug booty!

Fashion Trends Daily

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Author:Michelle Dalton Tyree

Fashion Trends Daily is the brainchild of Michelle Dalton Tyree. She is the former West Coast Retail Editor for Women’s Wear Daily, Fashion Editor for The Japan Times, and founder of former L.A. luxury boutique Iconology. Michelle is frequently quoted about fashion retail trends in major media outlets such as NPR, KPCC, The Inside Source and the New York Times. She has developed content for many luxury brands and retailers and has written for Allure, Worth Global Style Network, Footwear News and other media outlets.